Cheap Baseball Bats

My cousin, Ritchie, is a huge sports fan. He watches them all, and plays a lot of them here and there. Not too serious in any of them, but he plays enough. He likes anything competitive too. Doesn't have to be an official sport. He'll bet me that he can outrun me to the store if I let him. Just the other day, we went out into the yard with a couple of cheap baseball bats and he bet that he could hit farther than I could. I told him I'd hit him right in the head one of these days. But he didn't think that was funny.
 

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Ritchie and I get out there with the cheap baseball bats a lot. I got a pretty big back yard, so there's room to play a quick game. There's only the two of us most of the time, so it's nothing fancy, but we manage. Unless some other guys stop by. Then we can break out the full collection of cheap baseball bats and really go to town out there. Of course, when we do that, my ma gets all upset about us messing up the yard. The place technically belongs to my parents, so I can't say nothing about it. Although they live somewhere else and I pay all the bills for it, so I should be able to do anything I want there. If I wanted to throw on some cleats, and run up and down the grass, chasing fireflies around with cheap baseball bats then I should be able to. But it's just easier to do what she says when she's here, you know. Otherwise she starts yelling. And I don't want to hear it.

Ritchie says that it's my place and I should lay down the law. But that's easy for him to say. And I ain't never seen him lay nothing down to nobody, so why listen to him anyway. Besides, if I keep my cool, then we get to do what we want to do and I don't have any headaches. So, everybody's happy. It's not like we ain't out there with the cheap baseball bats, the competitive streak, and the bad attitudes anyway. We get a game off every weekend when the weather's nice. And that's enough sports for me. I love the game too, but not as much as my cousin. That guy could really play every day and be happy. Me, I need a break.

I always thought it was a shame that Ritchie never stuck to one thing. He plays a little baseball, a little football, some hockey, and a couple other things. And he has the nerve to be pretty good at all of them too. I always thought that if he just picked his favorite and stuck to it he would be pro caliber. I really think he could have made a career out of any one of them. His best shot was probably at hitting them homeruns, but he could've done anything he wanted. If I ever have kids, I'm going to make sure they apply themselves better than that. Ritchie could have swung the cheap baseball bats around for real, in the big leagues. How many people can even say that?